Guest Post: Teen Dating Violence
Jul •
10 •
2013
Truly, Madly, Deadly Series: Stand Alone Published by Sourcebooks Fire on July 2nd 2013
Genres: Young Adult-Contemporary
Source: Blog Tour
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Sawyer Dodd has it all. She's a star track athlete, choir soloist, and A-student. And her boyfriend is the handsome all-star Kevin Anderson. But behind the medals, prom pictures, and perfect smiles, Sawyer finds herself trapped in a controlling, abusive relationship with Kevin. When he dies in a drunk-driving accident, Sawyer is secretly relieved. She's free. Until she opens her locker and finds a mysterious letter signed by "an admirer" and printed with two simple words: "You're welcome."
The issue of teen dating violence — like Sawyer and Kevin’s relationship in the book — is really near and dear to me. Until this book, I’d never been open about the fact that I was in an abusive relationship in high school. Nearly twenty years later I was still humiliated that I “allowed” it to happen, and I didn’t want my friends to think I was one of “those” girls. You know the type: trashy, stupid, they don’t know better than to stick with a guy who knocks them around? It took a long time — and a lot of being honest with myself — to realize that I wasn’t the one who should be humiliated (he was the one knocking around a girl), and the kind of girl that gets abused could be anyone: smart, rich, pretty, from a good family, or not.
Sometimes the signs of abuse are so subtle, even the person being abused can’t recognize it until it’s too late. But we’re not all doomed. That’s what we have friends and blogs for, right? So, how can you tell if you think your friend is in a bad relationship?
First, you can look for the obvious–
– Bruises, scratches, cuts that seem to have no explanation — or really suspect ones (i.e.: “I fell down the stairs,” “My little brother hit me”)
– Inappropriate clothing: long sleeves/pants in summer, sudden refusal/reluctance to change in the locker room
-Sudden obsessions about her appearance: she won’t cut her hair (“because he likes it long”), fear of gaining weight/sudden weight loss (“he hates fat girls”)
-She spends less time with her friends or on activities she used to love.
-He calls her names. Even in jest, they are inappropriate and/or overly mean (i.e.: slut, fat, stupid, worthless)
-He checks her phone
Then, there’s the less obvious-
-She has to “check in” wherever she goes
-He calls repeatedly when she’s with you and she “has” to answer
-He shows up unexpectedly – like at cheerleading practice or at your house because she’s there
-She excuses his behavior because he’s “really jealous,” “been hurt before,” or is “insecure.”
-She becomes subdued, withdrawn, or intensely private.
And the even more subtle-
-He forces her to have sex, even if she doesn’t want to
-She lets him do things that seem out of character (i.e.: she lets him drive her car or use her credit card)
-She’s tried to break up with him (or expresses that she wants to) but can’t because he tells her he’ll kill himself or he can’t live without her
-She becomes severely defensive of him/the relationship
Any — and all — of these are signs that your friend is in trouble. She needs help. She might try to push you away or accuse you of being jealous or nosey, but if you are concerned, you need to tell someone. My boyfriend convinced me my friends were just jealous or bad influences and most of them stopped trying to help. But my best friend refused to let me go. Twenty years later, my ex-boyfriend is in jail for beating and raping a woman and my best friend is still my best friend. The people who truly love you won’t hurt you — and they won’t stand by and let you get hurt.
If you or someone you know is being abused, help. You can call the National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233 or, for Peer Advocates, Text Loveis to 77054 www.loveisrespect.org
Happy Reading!
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Really great post!! I think it’s really important for people to know all those things you have listed there. I had a boyfriend you did a lot of those emotionally stalkerish things on that list. I often wonder what his relationship is like today because I know people like him don’t change, they usually get worse. But even if someone would’ve confronted me about it, I know I was too stubborn to listen to anyone’s good sense. I hope other women out there in similar relationships aren’t as thick headed as I was 🙂
What a great post! Something every girl/woman should be aware of and not ashamed!
This is a great post. I love seeing authors posting things like this to show that abuse isn’t OK.